I went in to have chemo for the third time and it was the same as always, but they lost my card so it took a little longer than normal.
The process was the same as always and chatting to all the new people you meet makes you feel very grateful for where I am at at the moment.
So what happened since last time well it's been tough and reason why It has taken me so long to write this blog. Every time it is different and its hard for me to judge when where and how I will be feeling, the third cycle has been the longest and hardest so far. I was ok for a couple of days until my taste started to disappear and my stomach stopped functioning. It was about 3 days into my treatment after cycle 3 when I really started to feel really bad. I wasn't able to digest food very well and my stomach was sensitive to a lot of things and I was vomiting quite a lot.
This started to depress me around the 5th day in a row when I felt like it was going to never stop, the depression started to creep in and the feeling that I would rather be gone than to go through any more, the vomiting was really bad this time and I was scared to eat or drink because I was so sick of vomiting (even now writing about it brings me to gag)
My energy levels were really low this time and it was hard finding the energy to get off the couch, it was crazy my brain found it hard to function. I sat and watched tv not even knowing what I was watching.
I seem to be more emotional this time and lose my temper when people tell me "your going to be ok" and "your doing well" I one day screamed at my mum that " I wasn't ok and wasn't going to be ok and that she knew nothing of what I was going through" Its hard for people to even imagine what I am going through, but I hate it when people tell me I am doing well and that I am ok, they have no idea as I put on a good front, even when I really feeling sick I still try to keep going with my life as best as I can.
I still atm have eyebrows they are thinning but they are still hanging around which is good, I noticed this time that my mouth was a little sore but I have been using a mouth was that has helped my gums were really sore and swollen for a few days. later on with the treatment I have noticed that my eyes have been very sensitive and I find it hard to open them some mornings even later in the day they seem to close on me. My bones ache and sometimes its hard to get out of bed because my muscles and bones still seem to want to rest.
