Steroids Yep Im up - How do I feel going into Chemo ??

Before Chemo they have given me steroids to take and well I am up watching TV and typing this because I cant sleep. I seem to be hot and sweating quite a bit so its making it difficult to sleep. One thing is true I will never take my hair for granted again today I take treatment for something that is evil and growing inside me, that feeling to me is strange harder because you cant see it. 
Yeah I do want my boobs off now its almost like you don't like them on your body because I know that there is something that could be killing me in them so you want to get them as far away from you as possible, I am just hoping that the chemotherapy does a good job and shrinks it to nothing :) So then I can have the surgery.
The feeling is hard to describe when you are told you have the big dreaded C word, I first felt empty the tears were coming but didn't have real reason yet. When I was walking out of the doctors the first thing I thought was that I needed to get a Will and sort out loose ends, I know it may sound morbid but that is the first thing I thought about I have a family and my instinct is to protect them as much as I can. 


Then I started to think I am not going to be around and what will I miss out on that I wont see my son grow up, I wont get married, I wont live till I am old. 
Then I went home and my beautiful son was so excited to see me and ran over at that moment my feelings changed I NEEDED to stay alive I WOULD fight this with all I have to make sure I would be around to watch him grow up. 


The Monday I booked in to get my tattoo that I had written the week I was told that I had Breast Cancer I needed to get this done as a reminder to myself that I need to be strong to get through this, the flower is the "flower of life" and the writing is in Italian in English "my biggest challenge in life is be strong, courageous and win the fight to life"

When it was confirmed that I will not be able to have any more children it hurt more so now when I see new born babies knowing I will never have that is really tough, but I have to accept it and learn to live with my life I have for now. 
Each day is taken one step at a time. I love my life, my family. 


Today I am being given a drug that will make me sick but at the moment I am already nauseous. 
thanks to all the family and friends support makes me stronger and the feeling of being loved is one that keeps me strong.   


So if you like it would be cool to help me pick out a new style a wig I think I will need one to wear any ideas ???