2025 yes i'm still here !

 I thought I would drop in and give an update. I am 13 years out from the most traumatic time of my life. I am good I have progressed and back to working within the industry I was before. 

My brain is back to functioning, and I am now getting my fitness and health on track with personal training and development. 

Radiation and Chemo Combined and the effects

Ok first there are pictures that are to follow that may be hard to look at but its the reality that I am living so I want to be honest and show people. 
1. So that people can better understand why I haven't been out and about and why sometimes its even hard to talk, I have been sleeping a lot over the last week. 


2. To help anyone just about to go through it and be honest so they are prepared for it. 


Here goes 6 weeks everyday (week day) I went onto the machine that was shown previous post for a round 10 -15 mins for radiation therapy. 
I as doing ok as late as Mothers day I went to school and had a pamper session with Ethan who painted my nails, massaged my hands and gave me a tattoo :) The children put on a concert then we got Involved. 
This is the picture of me then. I was using QV Cream and it was doing really well and I was really happy with it until I had chemo 


Combination of drugs for CMF 

• cyclophosphamide
• methotrexate
• fluorouracil, also known as 5FU.

and the Methotrexate is  possibly the one that caused my reaction. 

Dont know why this is sideways sorry :) 

On the 16th May I had Radiation in the morning then Chemo and that afternoon this is the reaction I had come out with 

By Monday the 21st May it was this bad 

Tuesday 22nd 

Neck getting better but the chest wall isnt 23rd May 

Wednesday in Hospital the radiation burns were bad enough for them to start giving me antibiotics and strong pain killers to help with the pain these are the pictures 

This is over night so the 24th May 

Neck is getting better but still hurting 

This is this morning 25th May 

I am hopefully now that I have antibiotics can start healing ! 
Please don't think I did this for shock value as I just like to keep everyone informed and a lot of readers are about to go through this so its helpful to them to know the possibilities.


Although my reaction is bad due to chemo it still can get bad depending on treatment and the person. 

Putting your body through the Ringer !!

OK well I have started Radiation treatment and I was so glad that my dad was over as he came to the first session with me. It was great having him there as a a support our relationship has grown through this and I am forever grateful for that. 


First step is the CT scan 

Computed Tomography Scanner

CT scans are often used in treatment planning for radiation therapy. During CT scanning, pictures of the inside of the body are created by a computer linked to an x-ray machine.

This is also when I was tattooed with ink spots for the markings so each day you are placed in the same position for radiation. 


So what's radiation treatment ?? 

• Radiation therapy uses high-energy radiation to kill cancer cells by damaging their DNA.
• Radiation therapy can damage normal cells as well as cancer cells. Therefore, treatment must be carefully planned to minimize side effects.
• The radiation used for cancer treatment may come from a machine outside the body, or it may come from radioactive material placed in the body near tumor cells or injected into the bloodstream.
• A patient may receive radiation therapy before, during, or after surgery, depending on the type of cancer being treated.
• Some patients receive radiation therapy alone, and some receive radiation therapy in combination with chemotherapy.

What are the side effects ??

Radiation therapy can cause both early (acute) and late (chronic) side effects. Acute side effects occur during treatment, and chronic side effects occur months or even years after treatment ends . The side effects that develop depend on the area of the body being treated, the dose given per day, the total dose given, the patient’s general medical condition, and other treatments given at the same time.

Acute radiation side effects are caused by damage to rapidly dividing normal cells in the area being treated. These effects include skin irritation 

Most acute effects disappear after treatment ends, though some (like salivary gland damage) can be permanent. 

Fatigue is a common side effect of radiation therapy regardless of which part of the body is treated. Nausea with or without vomiting is common when the abdomen is treated and occurs sometimes when the brain is treated. Medications are available to help prevent or treat nausea and vomiting during treatment.

Late side effects of radiation therapy may or may not occur. Depending on the area of the body treated, late side effects can include 

• Fibrosis (the replacement of normal tissue with scar tissue, leading to restricted movement of the affected area).
• Damage to the bowels, causing diarrhea and bleeding.
• Memory loss.
• Infertility (inability to have a child).
• Rarely, a second cancer caused by radiation exposure.

Second cancers that develop after radiation therapy depend on the part of the body that was treated (16). For example, girls treated with radiation to the chest for Hodgkin lymphoma have an increased risk of developing breast cancer later in life. In general, the lifetime risk of a second cancer is highest in people treated for cancer as children or adolescents Whether or not a patient experiences late side effects depends on other aspects of their cancer treatment in addition to radiation therapy, as well as their individual risk factors. Some chemotherapy drugs, genetic risk factors, and lifestyle factors (such as smoking) can also increase the risk of late side effects.

 This is my machine that I have become friendly with over the past few weeks half way mark now and finish on the 30th May. 

This is my home for 8 weeks every morning :)

The hall way leading to the treatment room and my Acacia waiting room 

And this is the machine that is doing the work on my body I call it the big cake mixer another thing I said I wanted just not like this :) 

This is Joe one of the wonderful staff that have been taking care of me they are all amazing :) 

Here are some pretty harsh pictures of me so far I have taken these in the first week of radiation and now being half way through to show you the colour difference in my skin and its to only get worse over the next few weeks.  

 me looking like I have receding hair line !!!! :)

My scar from the mastectomy its pretty ugly and  I hope that when I have reconstruction surgery It will be turn out ok as the puckering is because my breast size at surgery!! 

This is me today sitting in bed due to another condition will go into shortly :) 

There is a little redness starting to show now I am using QV Cream and its doing a good Job I think!! 

Hair is growing back but I am looking a little yellow due to being sick atm thats my next post :) 

Pathology Results how daunting

Well its been a little since my operation and things have changed, when I had my last cycle of Chemo in Feb I celebrated and thought wicked its nearly over. 

Well that was until I went to get my pathology results, the surgeon wasnt the easiest person to understand I left feeling unsure, she said that the results were good but not great ??
I left with her telling me that she will book me in for 6 months time as I may need further chemo this news was devastating and I was in a world of my own trying to work out what she said and how I was going to process this. She said " your oncologist will talk to you about treatment if its needed" I thought instantly "yeah" knowing my oncologist he will do what is needed and I knew that more treatment would be on the cards. 


The oncologist appointment was another few days away and the anxiety was really strating to eat away at me, I had everyone saying that "he may not give you more treatment" or "you will be right and you can do it" I felt like punching them I know they were only thinking of me but knowing what chemo was like it was the last thing I wanted to go through again. 


I sat and cried on my own for a good few hours with unsure feelings, did I need chemo because the cancer is still growing ? Did chemo not work ? Why ? Why/ I thought did it not work for me? I had done all I can I am sorting my emotions out working on the inner me and getting my heart and mind healed. I was approaching this as a holistic healing and thought I was doing well. 
My emotions had a really good work out and I wasn't sure if I would be strong enough to keep going and endure another 6 months of this. 


It was the morning of my appointment and I was vomiting with nerves and I had to go on my own no one else could come with me, I waited what seemed like forever to see him this time. When I went in he asked how I was and we started talking, I said that the surgeon said I will need more treatment and burst into tears, my oncologist looked up and was surprised I had never been so emotional in there before and he said " we haven't even gotten there yet" 


He told me that the pathology results showed that there was 4 nodes affected out of 15 and the area that was affected was 120mm down to 45mm but ther were still little clusters of cancer cells in that area, the operation was good and clearance was good so it wasn't the best result that that we could have had with no evidence of cancer but it wasn't the worst. 


I also had an appointment with the radiologist who was amazing and put me at ease by saying that the results were expected for the cancer that I have and she said that it was a good result, that my oncologist was just being proactive in trying to raise my chances of this shit not coming back. 


So I had a CT scan that was to set out my markings for Radiation Treatment. 

OPERATION TIME

When you think about surgery its frightening without the thought that a large part of your femininity is being cut off for good. 
The pre surgery appointment I sat there and the surgeon told me that they recommend only the one breast coming off at this stage and the other can be done when the re construction is to be done, I went in by myself didn't I walked out having signed the paperwork for only right hand breast to be removed. 


I wasn't sure that day and up to surgery day still wasn't, although went through with it anyway. This is what it looks like a few days out from surgery. 

This is the real impact of breast cancer it is harsh to look at and even harder to deal with when it is your own body that its being done to. 

After the drains came out this is what it looks like

Since then the swelling has worsened due to a build up of fluid from where the lymph nodes were and my body now has to work out how to distribute the fluid around the rest of the body now they are no longer under my right arm. 

Due to the swelling it is sore and a little swollen still but the worst is it is under my arm so it makes the nerves in my arm hurt where the surgery has been done. 

The right breast that was taken off was weighed in at 2.66kg and this tissue is being tested at the moment and will be tested along with the lymph nodes to see the extent of the cancer and infected nodes, it will also determine whether or not I have to have more chemotherapy. Fingers crossed its a not ! 

I have been praying and being positive through this as much as possible and I hope that it pays off when I get the results at my Post Opp appointment on the 19th of this month. 

SUPPORT long word not always a lot of it

When you are diagnosed with breast cancer you have everyone calling, txting, messages on face book, then your half way through chemo and you cant blame every body but they get back to their lives and well get on with it. I don't blame any one at all for doing this as I have in the past and will some day in the future do it too, its life and how it happens. 


The only people that don't get on with life are the people that are your direct family, your husband that has to live it everyday, your son / daughter who sees you sick more times than not and asks" are you sick today mum ?" with that you have to reply yes sweet heart but hopefully not for too much longer. 


Your direct family well they have to get on with theirs as well everyone's gotta earn money ! And I don't think I am the only one that feels that family can be up and down with your treatment and diagnosis. My family have been great, but at times they forget that what I am going through is kind of huge, its not just a cold or small insignificant operation that I will be ok after a week.


This is cancer and I will have this worry for the rest of my life and although I am confident that I will be cancer free shortly, you never get rid of the worry. 
My family I assume have always seen e as the strong, confident and a lot of the times bossy and their words "over bearing" so when I am sick and cant do something they don't seem to register that I may need help. This is where I have struggled I still need help and don like asking for it and in a way have thought "someone will offer to help" and when it doesn't I have at times been very upset. 


I have and continue to have counselling this is a must you cant deal with all, when I mean all I mean all emotions that seem to cram your brain during cancer treatment. Even the basic things that you would normally have done before without a thought become huge. To remember everything you did before is impossible and for me that got me frustrated as I was so used to just doing things. 
During chemo I was not mentally capable of doing things especially the week after chemo its almost like it mushes your brain cells, I called the clothes line one day a wardrobe !!! I knew what I meant but my partner had no idea what I was trying to tell him. This became very frustrating especially when they tried to hold conversations with you, I couldn't be bothered talking let alone concentrate on what I was saying!!! 


The most supportive people that have helped me through the hard times the times when I needed answers or just to vent, or reassurance that I wasn't the only one who was feeling crazy at times were the ladies I met on a Facebook group this group is only for ladies between 20 - 40 that are either going through breast cancer at the moment or have been through it and are out the other side, these ladies are the only ones that truly know how I feel. 
This isn't anything against anyone else its just that they have been there know how my brain works and the emotions that you go through at each step.
I thank these ladies with all my heart as they have gotten me through some really rough times, down times and times when you feel like giving up. Along with them them my true inspiration was and still is and always will be my son.
At only 4 years old my son has shown unbelievable strength and courage, he has been there with unconditional love and support on my down days, he knows when I am upset better than anyone and above all has accepted me in every which way and form that I have been in over the last six or seven months. To him I love you with all my heart. You are everything to me. 

Roller coaster ride since Chemo !

Ok so you think that chemo is over the worst part delt with ! Bahhh Wrong 


Next comes you have four weeks of recovery so I start to feel good about myself and wow the taste buds come back Yum food has never tasted so good !!! 
Then the Pre Op appointment comes around all too quick and bam your in the office sitting with the doctor and they are saying lets get the paperwork sorted for you to have the mastectomy. 
As it turns out I talked it through with the surgeon and she said I know you wanted to get a bilateral but strongly suggest to get the one breast removed and when they do the reconstruction we can remove the other and re construct straight away ???????
Ok big mistake is not taking anyone with you to these appointments, highly recommend it if its you going grab someone to take or if you are a friend and know someone that is suffering from this put your hand up and say I will take the time to come with you.


It is so daunting and you forget what you wanted and then they start talking and you stop listening because you are still trying to process what they said 5 minuets ago. 


I didnt and walked out having signed for one breast to be removed, I stewed over this from the time I left the hospital until the day before surgery, I still thought should I change this should I do what I first wanted. Well question was did I want to wait a possible 3 years for reconstruction surgery? The answer was no I want to get my life back on track ASAP and I would have to compromise to do it. 


Google and what effects it has on your brain oh no impact 101
There are things you should look at things you shouldn't, well I needed to do research on the procedures that I was looking at having after the mastectomy. 
I found so many horrid pics that were I found out were off an American web site oh ok reminder to ones self don't go there again.
I found two types of surgery that I was told would be the type that I would require to gain my breast back, think of how hard that is first of all to say at only age 34 then picture the scaring will occur for that to happen!! 


Below are two different procedures that I am still considering at this stage and when I meet with the plastic surgeon it will need to think long and hard about which one I take. 

A DIEP flap is a type of breast reconstruction in which blood vessels called deep inferior epigastric perforators (DIEP), and the skin and fat connected to them are removed from the lower abdomen and transferred to the chest to reconstruct a breast after mastectomy without the sacrifice of any of the abdominal muscles.

The DIEP flap is similar to the muscle-sparing free TRAM flap but only requires the removal of skin and fat. Unlike with the TRAM procedure no muscle is sacrificed. The blood vessels, or perforators, required to keep the tissue alive lay just beneath or within the abdominal muscle. Therefore, a small incision is made in the abdominal muscle in order to access the vessels.

Ok the one above is the Diep/ Siea Flap Procedure and this is around a three month recovery that I have been told. I am not really keen on this other than it will give me a flat tummy but I am thinking I would rather work harder to get it than be in pain for it for that long !!! 

Latissimus Dorsi Mucle Flap technique takes its name from the back muscle that lies below the shoulder and behind the armpit.

An oval section of skin, fat, and latissimus dorsi muscle is detached and slid around through a tunnel under the skin to the breast area. Blood vessels remain attached whenever possible. The tissue is shaped into a natural-looking breast and sewn into place. If blood vessels have been cut, they are reattached by microscopic surgery to blood vessels in the chest area. The procedure takes about two to three hours.

Next the above this s a supposed less invasive type but also leaves you with scars ! And well I think it may hurt the same but recovery is quicker I hear. So these are the two options I have going into the big meeting when ever that will be still waiting on a referral to the plastics section. I have been told that they may be able to take skin etc from other areas such as your inner thigh and your rear end, Ohh that sounds good to me :) 

I will have to wait and see.