When you are diagnosed with breast cancer you have everyone calling, txting, messages on face book, then your half way through chemo and you cant blame every body but they get back to their lives and well get on with it. I don't blame any one at all for doing this as I have in the past and will some day in the future do it too, its life and how it happens.
The only people that don't get on with life are the people that are your direct family, your husband that has to live it everyday, your son / daughter who sees you sick more times than not and asks" are you sick today mum ?" with that you have to reply yes sweet heart but hopefully not for too much longer.
Your direct family well they have to get on with theirs as well everyone's gotta earn money ! And I don't think I am the only one that feels that family can be up and down with your treatment and diagnosis. My family have been great, but at times they forget that what I am going through is kind of huge, its not just a cold or small insignificant operation that I will be ok after a week.
This is cancer and I will have this worry for the rest of my life and although I am confident that I will be cancer free shortly, you never get rid of the worry.
My family I assume have always seen e as the strong, confident and a lot of the times bossy and their words "over bearing" so when I am sick and cant do something they don't seem to register that I may need help. This is where I have struggled I still need help and don like asking for it and in a way have thought "someone will offer to help" and when it doesn't I have at times been very upset.
I have and continue to have counselling this is a must you cant deal with all, when I mean all I mean all emotions that seem to cram your brain during cancer treatment. Even the basic things that you would normally have done before without a thought become huge. To remember everything you did before is impossible and for me that got me frustrated as I was so used to just doing things.
During chemo I was not mentally capable of doing things especially the week after chemo its almost like it mushes your brain cells, I called the clothes line one day a wardrobe !!! I knew what I meant but my partner had no idea what I was trying to tell him. This became very frustrating especially when they tried to hold conversations with you, I couldn't be bothered talking let alone concentrate on what I was saying!!!
The most supportive people that have helped me through the hard times the times when I needed answers or just to vent, or reassurance that I wasn't the only one who was feeling crazy at times were the ladies I met on a Facebook group this group is only for ladies between 20 - 40 that are either going through breast cancer at the moment or have been through it and are out the other side, these ladies are the only ones that truly know how I feel.
This isn't anything against anyone else its just that they have been there know how my brain works and the emotions that you go through at each step.
I thank these ladies with all my heart as they have gotten me through some really rough times, down times and times when you feel like giving up. Along with them them my true inspiration was and still is and always will be my son.
At only 4 years old my son has shown unbelievable strength and courage, he has been there with unconditional love and support on my down days, he knows when I am upset better than anyone and above all has accepted me in every which way and form that I have been in over the last six or seven months. To him I love you with all my heart. You are everything to me.
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