Third and hardest so far !

I went in to have chemo for the third time and it was the same as always, but they lost my card so it took a little longer than normal. 
The process was the same as always and chatting to all the new people you meet makes you feel very grateful for where I am at at the moment.


So what happened since last time well it's been tough and reason why It has taken me so long to write this blog. Every time it is different and its hard for me to judge when where and how I will be feeling, the third cycle has been the longest and hardest so far. I was ok for a couple of days until my taste started to disappear and my stomach stopped functioning. It was about 3 days into my treatment after cycle 3 when I really started to feel really bad. I wasn't able to digest food very well and my stomach was sensitive to a lot of things and I was vomiting quite a lot. 


This started to depress me around the 5th day in a row when I felt like it was going to never stop, the depression started to creep in and the feeling that I would rather be gone than to go through any more, the vomiting was really bad this time and I was scared to eat or drink because I was so sick of vomiting (even now writing about it brings me to gag) 


My energy levels were really low this time and it was hard finding the energy to get off the couch, it was crazy my brain found it hard to function. I sat and watched tv not even knowing what I was watching. 
I seem to be more emotional this time and lose my temper when people tell me "your going to be ok" and "your doing well" I one day screamed at my mum that " I wasn't ok and wasn't going to be ok and that she knew nothing of what I was going through" Its hard for people to even imagine what I am going through, but I hate it when people tell me I am doing well and that I am ok, they have no idea as I put on a good front, even when I really feeling sick  I still try to keep going with my life as best as I can. 


I still atm have eyebrows they are thinning but they are still hanging around which is good, I noticed this time that my mouth was a little sore but I have been using a mouth was that has helped my gums were really sore and swollen for a few days. later on with the treatment I have noticed that my eyes have been very sensitive and I find it hard to open them some mornings even later in the day they seem to close on me. My bones ache and sometimes its hard to get out of bed because my muscles and bones still seem to want to rest. 

Second Cycle NOT SO GOOD :(

Hello all it has taken me longer than normal to get to update this this time around. 
My second chemo cycle I thought I was going to be ok, when I went in I was feeling really good and was prepared more than the last. I had a plan to beat the constipation so was feeling positive. 
Mum came with me this time and it must be boring for others to go with me but I was grateful to her. 


I arrive and get a Milo that doesn't taste like much, my taste buds still not back Ur well I can handle food so that's the main thing. 
It was an 8:30 session so I thought by lunch time I was going to be sick at home in bed, the nurses are great and keep you occupied as well as I met a lovely lady who was back for her second time in the chair so we chatted and she was really positive for someone being through it all before.  
We talked about wigs and she was impressed with the one that I had on so I Googled the address for her and gave her the address of THE UK WIG SHOP on line through ebay great wigs and really well priced. Then it was over it seemed to go really quickly and I felt ok so we left and I said to mum ill drive, I was feeling hungry so suggested going for lunch because I was feeling so well. We went to a really nice place and had scallop & prawn pasta with a beautiful white creamy sauce. 


I was feeling ok until about 7 that night then the nausea hit and I was onto the tablets to relieve it, I went to bed about 9 thought ill get rest. In the following days I was resting a lot but not too bad until day 4. I have a problem with my stomach when I have chemo it doesn't seem to want to or know how to work. 
To try to explain it to you all (it is really hard) normally you cant feel your stomach when you eat and most people rub their lower tummy when they say they are full, for me it is really hard to eat anything the food doesn't seem to go anywhere it feels like your food is stuck in your oesophagus just before your stomach so its doesn't make you want to eat.


Nothing seems to make you feel better, for days I felt hungry and needed to eat to help with the nausea but then felt sick when I did eat. I found myself vomiting a lot this time and it became very uncomfortable. It was even at 12am in the morning that I found myself up vomiting and showering and trying to get back to sleep. 
The worry and depression kicked in as I felt really sick most of the time, I also didn't have any energy to do anything sitting on the couch not wanting to move at all, I started to cry and worry I was going to feel like this forever. The smoothies saved me, they were full of fruit, fruit nectar and milk with frozen yoghurt and real fruit. I had them for breakfast and dinner so I am thinking it may be the way to go for next time see how I go! 


I haven't got a sore mouth but the nose is really bad its like you have a cold but its dry up your nose from breathing and collects dry mucus great ha ! But I am grateful its not my mouth that would be worse. A lot of people tell me I look great and it may be because I have been using the Dove tinted moisturiser to make me look a little more normal it also blends the really white scull from my face that has a bit of color. 


I was down a lot this time finding it depressing just being home not doing anything and not having the energy or motivation to do anything. I felt like it was never going to be over and then on the 10th day I woe up and gone the nausea had decided to leave and I was stoked so I got up and pushed myself to go out for the day and went to the movies to see Breaking Dawn. I was happy that I could go out and feel normal. 


I am still needing to rest quite a bit but its what my body needs and I am trying to get in exercise as the fluid retention is really quite restrictive I have even stopped wearing my engagement ring because its uncomfortable. 


I have been bitten on my head by a mosquito yes you heard it right never before has it happened now my head is fair game apparently because it hasn't any hair. I didnt think it was very fair and it really hurts to be honest. 


Ethan, Matt and my nephew Caleb thought it was time to try the wig themselves they thought it was funny, here are the pics.


I am back for my half way mark 3rd Cycle next week Thursday the 1st so will be out for a bit, but I have the appointment with my surgeon on the 5th December to find out when and what surgery type I am in for so I will keep you posted, I am hoping to have the option of Implants as it is the quickest healing and I can maybe get back to some type of normality soon.

2nd Cycle :)

Matt looking stylish   Ethan with the wig, 

                                                                                                                               he looks like me ;) 

 Caleb my nephew 

Talk to you soon :) 

Looking at myself and really seeing me making the most of the new do

To all of the lovely people out there that have been a support to me I appreciate it. 
I have been overwhelmed by the kind words and encouragement that everybody has shown.
I am going through something that is very tough on you emotionally and physically it is tiring and can at times be really tough on you mentally. there are some things that have made me break down and have a cry this has been seeing new born babies knowing that I may not have another one has made me cry while waiting for the doctor. 


The hardest mental challenge is the thoughts that people may think are negative, let me tell you for me they aren't negative just thoughts, when you are told you have cancer you have many things go through your head first for me wasn't why me ? Or it's not fair. It was I want to be here for my family I want to be with my partner get married and see my son grow up. 
BUT I did have the thoughts that I see as normal I need to get things in order, need to make sure I tie up loose ends, this didn't mean that I have given up or that I am not going to fight this with all I have its just something that you start looking at. 
You see this as something that is killing you silently and the need to make sure the people you love are looked after. This is natural not harmful as I have had these thoughts and these thoughts also kicked me in the butt and made me want to fight, beat it and win!


When I shaved my head I cried and I am really not sure why, when my partner asked me "was I OK ?" I said "yes" I wasn't sure if I was crying for my hair or that by doing this it made it more of a reality, what I am going through and that this was happening and my body was reacting to it. 


It is amazing when you shave your head you really have no choice but to really look at yourself you cant hide behind hair or pretend you don't see the real you ! Your hair is part of who you are but I do think too many of us hide behind things, hair, make up, earrings, tattoos or clothes. 
Looking at myself I can now see me I have had to look at myself and look at all the flaws that I had tried to look past before when I quickly did my hair or didn't bother with make up or care before, thinking that it didn't matter because I wasn't good looking so it wasn't worth the effort anyway. 


Yeah the real hard truth about how I felt about myself came out and you know what when looking at myself in the mirror without hair I realised that ...........I am no super model but ....................I have really nice eyes and my nose is not bad and my eyebrows are pretty good shape, I now look at myself and see that I am good looking on the outside as well as the inside. 
So I am now embracing this and feel differently about myself. I did hide behind being too vocal and maybe come across rude or arrogant this was only to protect myself, I used to think I knew what people thought about me and would judge myself more harshly than anyone else, I would give someone the impression of me that I had created for them by the way that I react before they did. 


This is huge for me as I know that I am a very caring person but this sometimes got lost in the judgemental appearance that I gave people, this was only reflected because I was being Judgemental on myself. Yeah not everyone is going to like me and I am not going to get along with everyone but have stopped judging me harshly so that people get to make up their own mind. 





Well here is my new look that I have embraced and now love from what my head looks like now to how I wear my scarves most days :)

   

I seem to be getting better at arranging them and the accessories that I have made with my glue gun are keeping it looking original :) I am enjoying this to be honest 

A special thanks to my Aunty Leece she shaved her head in support of my battle and I really appreciate it you are amazing and I love you. 

Thanks to all my friends and family love to all of you. 

                                                                         




                     

Becoming More of a Reality

The past couple of weeks has been full of ups and downs, firstly trying to work out how my body is going to react to the chemo was the toughest as the constipation ended up being very painful and I was starting to get sick and nauseated from that rather than the chemo. 


The sickness from the chemo lasted around the 5 -6 days then I started to be able to function ok until the other side effects kicked in now they have been worked out and I am prepared. I am still not looking forward to next Thursday as I know the nausea will be bad. But on the bright side it will mean I only have 4 cycles to go ! 


The first week nothing much happened apart from the nausea and the sleep my body craved sleep so I gave into it and slept obviously that's what my body needed. I didn't eat much either my taste buds changed and things didn't taste the same my favourite foods were not appetising to me any more. I was at my mums and she had Nutella in the pantry so I thought that will get the taste buds going, when I tasted it I turned to mum disappointed and said this doesn't taste like chocolate, I guess that is a good thing I am a bad chocolate freak and well haven't had any since the first week, not worth it if it doesn't taste like chocolate.
The start of the second week I noticed my hair strands were starting to fall out but nothing too dramatic until the end of that week when I noticed that when I was combing my hair with my fingers that more hair was starting to fall out, it is still a week away from my next cycle of chemo and my hair was starting to fall out quite a bit. 
So i thought that it was time to get some scarf's and a wig, one I ordered over the net and am waiting for it to arrive and the other I went to a shop in Subiaco great place lovely lady  Place is called Cheveux on Hay.






This was my hair at the start of week 2 it was starting to fall out but only at some areas so I didn't really notice it too much it was only falling out when I brushed it.  

 This picture is Thursday of week 2 my hair had started to fall out in clumps and it was starting to fall out and be everywhere it would be on my back from just walking around and I couldn't touch it without it being on my hands. 


This is just from me running my hand through my hair, it got a little bit depressing and well got a little annoying having hair around all the time, I had already cut 9.5 inches off my hair already so I asked Mat if he could shave it for me and of course he thought this was awesome and laughed, you can imagine the nicknames I now have !!!!  

This is what the same area looked like that Thursday as you can see the bald patch has gotten bigger and only bound to get even bigger! 


SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it was only logical get rid of it. 

 Why not have some fun hey !!!!
So I just hacked at my hair it was coming off anyway. 
The one person that amazes me through all of this is my son he is nearly 4 and has accepted everything and embraced it with love for me like no other.


When I said that my hair is falling out and showed him he said "oh that is not good " I said to him that it wont be forever and it will grow back he had been to the wig shop and he said to me "it's ok you got new hair" 

I had a Bald patch like no other :) 


So it started he clippers were read and Mat was happy to do it so here it is my new do. 

  

Its amazing the wigs they have out there now this is a synthetic wig I wasn't really fussed to a real hair wig when I was shown these as the real hair were much more expensive and I couldn't afford it so I opted for this one, will see what the one from the UK is like it is supposed to be 50% Human hair so well see what the difference is when it arrives.


When I got the wig Mat asked to see it and was opening the box he asked my son what's in the box he simply turned and said "its mums new hair its pretty have a look" :) He makes me smile when things get tough he always looks to the obvious and isn't fazed by it so it helps me be strong. 

 


But when I need to go out I have this it is so like my own hair that I had before I started this big battle so I don't feel too concious when going out and about :) It will be exciting to see what the new wig from the UK looks like ! 

Confidence IN GP's why you need to be aware - My letter and reply to GP

Initial Formal Complaint to the Medical Practitioner

Hello Dr  

I write to you with great sadness, disappointment and concern as I am aware that you own the practice at ……….. Medical Centre in ……………..

I came in to see Dr …….. as a female consultant, I was suffering from swelling and some discolouration on my right breast,

When I came into the surgery I advised Dr ……… as she is called that my breast was swollen and that there was a redness she asked to take a look and she did but did not carry out any type of examination. I took the antibiotics that she wrote a script for after the week or so I realised that the redness had not gone away and it was still the same. 

I made a second appointment and when I sore Dr ……… this time she asked to see the breast she touched it to see if it was hot and said "that yes its still there", when we sat down I asked her if I could and should go for a mammogram she advised me at this point that " you are too young to go in nothing will be wrong like that and they are not required till you are 55 and over if you are not they cost and are expensive" what is most disappointing with this is that I trusted your doctor and she lead me to believe that there wasn't anything wrong so I again took the antibiotics. I completed the antibiotics and it was still no better so went back to Dr…….. for a third time on the Monday this time I was sent to the Hospital at Joondalup with a suspected abuses. 

When I was taken in to the hospital they did an ultra sound and the Dr advised me that I was required to have a mammogram and a biopsy within the week, the doctor was very concerned and made sure I was aware of the importance of going in to have this done. I went in on the Wednesday I was asked who I was going to get the results for the biopsy from as I was not confident after this to come back to Dr …… I have gone to another surgery and been advised that I have Inflammatory Breast Cancer and this is an aggressive cancer that could have been detected up to six weeks before it had. 

As you can understand I am devastated as the cancer has spread into the nodes in my arm pit and I seem to wonder if I was given the referral as I asked would it be this bad ?? 

I have made a formal complaint to the Medical Board and depending on the outcome I am seeking legal advice in regards to malpractice as the information I received and the lack of concern from the doctor has resulted in my diagnoses causing me undue stress and worry. 

I would like it if you could respond to my email with notification that you have received it.

Regards 

Elisha Smith 

Reply Letter from Doctor 

Add caption

My reply to the letter above 

Dear Dr …………. & Dr…………..,

I am not sure what you wanted me to say to this response letter, from what I can tell is that Dr ……………..has admitted that she advised me that a mammogram and ultrasound were not required and yet this is how I found out that I have breast cancer. 

I am mostly disappointed that a female doctor was not more concerned and or aware that lady's of any age can get breast cancer, since I have been diagnosed I have spoken to so many women that are younger or same age as me that have this diagnosis.  

I know that Dr ………… you have a good reputation and would like to think that your standard is now a concern to your entire practice. 

I really think that you both need to discuss the options of more training and understanding of this disease as I am not confident that you have sufficiently understood my concern writing the letter. I was not writing to get answers as I received them at another clinic so I have all the answers I need now and that is for me to survive this and warn others, be more aware and confident in the GP they are placing their trust in. 

In future when someone asks for something that is related to the problem they are coming to you for you should be encouraging this so that the patient is clear of anything that they may be worried about. I asked for a mammogram that was a concern to me and the fact that I do have big boobs was a concern, I wasn't asking for a brain scan that was not relevant to my condition. 

Maybe taking time with patients and caring more rather than the amount of people that you see, you would have sent me for a mammogram the outcome would have been no different but my confidence in your practice would have been. 

You are the medical practitioners not I, but I do know that trust and confidence in your GP is one we all place in your hands and maybe that should be a little more understood than it is at your practice.

I do hope for all future patients that your care and concern improves in the future. 

Regards 

Elisha Smith 

This post is for all to get a great GP someone who has your health in their best interest. :) 

I apologise for the spelling ans if it isn't the easiest to read as it was written at an emotional time.  

What a week its been = Side effects

Just as I thought that I was starting to feel better the side effects kicked in, it was about 5 days after my chemo when I noticed that I was getting a chest pain and then noted that I hadnt been to the toilet in 5 days and was feeling really sick.

I called the hospital and they said that I may need to get something to help me from the chemist and so I did good old coloxil and sienna, went to bed and woke up the next day not feeling 100% the day went on and I was feeling worse so the hospital advised that I come in, all the way down to Sir Charles Gardner Hospital, when I arrived I was ushered straight in and separated from Matt.
They sent me to the Cardio section and they hooked me up to the ECG machine and placed a cannula in and a oxygen mask was slapped on.  then shortly after there was a guy with a portable xray machine and took pictures of my chest.
The doc told me that the ECG showed there was nothing wrong with my heart good to hear, she then said that they were sending me to get xrays of my tummy, they came back ok, so I was wheeled off to the CT scan although I had only had one a week ago they thought that they would carry out one to rule out a possible blood clot in my lungs. Wow as soon as you have the word cancer attached to you everything become so much more serious and there are so many things that could be wrong with you.

I spent 4 hours in Charlies having scans and ruling out all the major things that could be wrong with me, then I told them that I am still not feeling good, the doctor said to continue with the coloxil over the next day or so.
I did Bad idea I then got what they call over flow ( great discussion !) this is when you are still constipated but yet you have runny bum and the cramping to go with it.

The next day the constipation was worse and I started to vomit and wasnt able to keep any fluids down, not even a sip of water, I was uncomfortable and feeling really sick, I didn't feel like eating and drinking so at around 4pm I was really feeling sick and the completely dehydrated. I went into the Joondalup Hospital and they rushed me through and placed me in the Isolation room it was like I had a contagious disease but it was for my own protection, they took blood and checked my white blood count Oh what do you know it was so low they said "you need to stay in over night we are going to admit you and keep you on fluids" as I was dehydrated then I was sent for more x rays to see what was happening with my stomach.

Once my blood count had come back the doctors and nurses had to wear masks and protective clothing and gloves around me as to not give me anything that they may be carrying on them, this was really scary to see everybody so concerned with making me sick.
I was in a single room and the door was shut, the nurses were great, I managed to get some sleep but being woken regularly to make sure my temperature wasn't elevated at all.
that night I managed to eat a sandwich and thought I was doing well, the fluids were doing their job and helping me feel a little normal.

I was feeling better the next day but still felt slightly compacted and have done since this afternoon, I think I finally feel that my stomach and bowels are on the mend and hoped to feeling normal again in a couple of days.

I haven't lost my hair yet but have started to get the ulcers in my mouth dry throat and finding it hard to swallow, my skin is drying out and broken out, the constipation is still a worry but hopefully manageable now with more fibre in my diet. I am walking 20 - 30mins a day this seems to help me feel better so will keep it up along with the load of water now to keep things flowing :)

The Week so far after Chemo Cycle one

Tuesday started out ok it was the start of my first stage of beating this cancer Chemotherapy after the cycle I did get tied when I had finished the day at the Hospital, by the time I got home the nausea was insane and I just wanted to get into bed, so I did and slept. 

The feeling is hard to describe when having chemo I felt the chemicals circulating my body the nausea crept from area to area. The nausea rose from my toes creeping with a strange feeling through all my organs and down to my toes and fingers, my body tingled with a weird sensations stranger because I knew there was something in my system that was killing the cancer and good cells but also trying its hardest to save my life. 

The second day after chemo was pretty much like the first the nausea was insane and over whelming, the 5 nausea tablets that I was on were doing their job but not great, so I had to take them and sleep that was all my body was craving at this time so I didn't fight it. Sleep became my best friend on Wednesday along with salda crackers with Vegemite ! Couldn't handle much of anything else. 

Thursday I woke up feeling pretty good so I thought that I would take myself down to the beach to get some nice fresh air since I'd been almost comatose for the past few days. It was beautiful in the fresh air listening to the water crashing on the sand I had my meditation music playing so thought I would go for a walk it was nice until I got back up to the sand dune and was walking to the top when an overwhelming rush of nausea crashed down on me and I felt faint, yes ans with the windows down in my car fresh air blowing I fainted ! Pushing it a little too quickly maybe ? 

The doctor told me that I needed to slow it down a little and maybe rest this week. So Friday I am feeling good and downgraded the anti nausea tablets and am feeling great, didn't do any walking but only had a small nap which felt good almost back to a normal day.

I am going to start to miss work soon until I feel like death warmed up I guess, at this stage I am happy I only have 5 cycles to go and now have no doubt I can make it, may be a little difficult but manageable. My life threw me a tree of  lemons so I have just been making shit loads of lemonade. And bonus to this date I haven't lost my hair but not holding out to much hope for it to stay around for too long well see. 

My family and friends with their support have made me strong thanks again. Love you guys. 

Chemotherapy not sure about therapy !!! First Cycle 5 more to go :)

It was an early start to the day leaving at 9am to get there for my 10:30am cycle of Chemo it was a little delayed and so we have to wait, I finally got in at 12:00 and they first gave me a tablet for nausea I had to wait 30mins for this to enter through my blood stream. Then I was hooked up to a drip and the manually injected me with a red coloured drug that will make me pee red ! 


Once this was complete I was left on the drip for nearly 2 hours the nurses were fantastic so nice explained everything and so caring, I had one nurse follow me through the procedure and she was wonderful really helpful explaining the therapy and walking me through so many things that I may feel and that I should do if I suffer any serous side effects. It freaks you out when every person that talks to you explains the importance of infection, I have needed to take my temperature a few times to know how I feel to where my temperature sits to know when I feel hot if I have a temperature to know this a little better by touch, if my temperature reaches 38 or higher I am required to seek medical attention immediately and possible hospitalisation on IV drip ! Nothing much to worry about ha? My temp is sitting about 36 so that's good :)

 Me and Matt at my first chemo cycle about to start feeling ok, no use being scared or stressed its going to happen may as well just understand this and except it and get through it as best I can :) 


Mats been fabulous taken on so much so that I don't need to stress he is my rock through all of this.

The chemo cycle itself wasn't bad really didn't feel anything at all at the time it was about 20mins after that I started to feel tired and then started to feel sick by the time I got home and felt the waves of nausea hit me the waves started at different spots. Its a little hard to describe but ill do my best, at first I had a wave of nausea come from my feet all the way up through my body this would happen every 5-10mins each time it would localise at different spots like stomach, arms lower abdomen then heart and lungs,I got a little scared at that as my heart raced and I was a little unsettled but took more nausea tablets and went to bed to rest, it took some time but ended up drifting off to sleep.
When I woke in the morning the nausea wasn't as bad a it had been but when i got up to go to the toilet I had to concentrate on each step it was almost like my muscles forgot how to move. I have been lucky and haven't vomited yet so am happy with that. 

This was me at 7:30pm last night the hardest thing at the moment above all chemo, nausea is that my son has a cold and I cant be around him and when I am I need to wear this ! So feeling sick and not being able to give my son a kiss is killing me :) Mat and I have tried to explain it as best we can and I think he understands enough to know that this is for a while and that I will get better, and will be able to give him all the hugs and kisses in the world. 




Anyway time for rest now haven't lost any hair so far.

Steroids Yep Im up - How do I feel going into Chemo ??

Before Chemo they have given me steroids to take and well I am up watching TV and typing this because I cant sleep. I seem to be hot and sweating quite a bit so its making it difficult to sleep. One thing is true I will never take my hair for granted again today I take treatment for something that is evil and growing inside me, that feeling to me is strange harder because you cant see it. 
Yeah I do want my boobs off now its almost like you don't like them on your body because I know that there is something that could be killing me in them so you want to get them as far away from you as possible, I am just hoping that the chemotherapy does a good job and shrinks it to nothing :) So then I can have the surgery.
The feeling is hard to describe when you are told you have the big dreaded C word, I first felt empty the tears were coming but didn't have real reason yet. When I was walking out of the doctors the first thing I thought was that I needed to get a Will and sort out loose ends, I know it may sound morbid but that is the first thing I thought about I have a family and my instinct is to protect them as much as I can. 


Then I started to think I am not going to be around and what will I miss out on that I wont see my son grow up, I wont get married, I wont live till I am old. 
Then I went home and my beautiful son was so excited to see me and ran over at that moment my feelings changed I NEEDED to stay alive I WOULD fight this with all I have to make sure I would be around to watch him grow up. 


The Monday I booked in to get my tattoo that I had written the week I was told that I had Breast Cancer I needed to get this done as a reminder to myself that I need to be strong to get through this, the flower is the "flower of life" and the writing is in Italian in English "my biggest challenge in life is be strong, courageous and win the fight to life"

When it was confirmed that I will not be able to have any more children it hurt more so now when I see new born babies knowing I will never have that is really tough, but I have to accept it and learn to live with my life I have for now. 
Each day is taken one step at a time. I love my life, my family. 


Today I am being given a drug that will make me sick but at the moment I am already nauseous. 
thanks to all the family and friends support makes me stronger and the feeling of being loved is one that keeps me strong.   


So if you like it would be cool to help me pick out a new style a wig I think I will need one to wear any ideas ???

Bone Scan, MRI & CT Scans is that enough ????

Today I went to yet more scans I am hoping they all come back clear ! 
Friday was the bone scan and when you enter the Nuclear Medicine Centre its never a good feeling, the staff at hospital are great and in a strange way they make you feel comfortable in the most uncomfortable situations.
The bone scan required that I had an injection and then was laying down and placed in a machine that they lowered big flat plates that sat only cm from your body, these took photos of you ! 


(They forgot to ell me that I may get a reaction from the injection and well I broke out in hives that were itchy hot and dotty all over my body - Joondalup hospital and 3 hours later I was crashed out on Fenergan) 


The next was the CT scan and this required more injections of some unknown substance that when injected felt warm and when it reaches your bladder area (like I was told) makes you feel like you have wet yourself. It was a strange feeling and when in there I was reading a sign that said do not look into the light oops too late maybe it should be away from the light ??? 
Anyway next stop MRI well if I didn't have a headache before it I did after 40mins of a machine clanking and crashing and whining at me. Here is an image for you laying face down with your face in a hole like a meditation table boobs in a separate hole each (GG's by the way) on an angle so your chest is raised ear plugs in head phones on with a machine making really loud noises. Ha great adventure. 


All through this my dad has been with me every step of the way and waited and waited and waited with me for all the appointments.Thanks to him being there it made me stronger, I love him with all my heart and the importance of him being there for me at this time is indescribable. 
My mum and sister have been amazing talk about cleaning machines thanks for getting me, my house and my life ready to get through the biggest battle of my life. Being here for me to help my son not feel too uncomfortable he will need a lot of support :) 
To my beautiful fiancé who I know will stand by me when I have no hair and look atrocious thank you, you are my reality check you are still there to tell me when I am being a bitch or to suck it up and most of all there to protect me and make me feel loved you are truly a legend I love you. 

Tomorrow is the start of my fight and today I started my change by cutting 8.5 inches of my hair off placed it in a pony tail and cut ! now I have this. Well for as long as it lasts :)

Wow Information Overload !!!

Today was full on I had the oncologist appointment that would determine my treatment 


So today started at 8:00am in to have an injection on one side of the hospital then off to opposite end to see the Oncologist at 9:00am and I was fortunate enough to be dealt a rare aggressive so the comment from the Oncologist "Were gunna hit you hard and give you the strongest Chemotherapy we have" yeah for me I am most certain to loose my hair and be very sick. 


Then it was a bite to eat and waiting for the bone scan at 1:00pm I went down a little earlier to see if I could get in and went straight in - 40mins in the machine still nearly falling asleep it was back to the other end of the hospital and back to the oncology for the introduction to chemotherapy at 2:00pm that went for an hour and a half so it was very tiring and a little bit of information overload. I will be on a combination of three drugs that is called TAC this is the harshest that they have. 


I have my appointments booked and I am booked in for the first Chemotherapy session and it starts on Tuesday 18th October cheers to my new challenge. 


October 15th - I will post some pictures of me just before I am transformed. 

Oncology = meaning from doctor someone who carries a person through cancer treatment

Today yet again I had my breast out for public view and more people came to gork at it :) I guess I do have a condition that is more rare than others so it was bound to happen, shame that I could not charge money as I feel a little like a skimpy taking my top off for everyone to look at. 


But wow man do I understand so much more about cancer and chemotherapy since going to the Oncologist NOT. The thing I am grateful for was a great friend that took the time to come with me to the Oncologist appointment wow did I need her, when you are diagnosed with this life changing condition it is enough but when you see doctor after doctor and they throw names and situations and options at you it can be a little to take in. I would recommend taking someone with you to help you filter the information as it can be a lot all at once and you only retain some of it. 


One thing that I do understand is that Oncologists are in a bread of their own ! I am glad that my sister in law gave me the details of her Oncologist as it freaked me out and I was stressed but also gave me the ability to get an opinion on something that I was terrified about and now he is MY Oncologist and I feel comfortable with him he was very quick to get me on treatment and get me into a place for Chemotherapy for next Tuesday.


What does this now mean for me ?
Well at this stage the discussion was had with my oncologist and I will most likely be on a very strong Chemotherapy that is going to be quite harsh on my body and I will more than likely loose my hair and need to be away from the job and the children I love because it could be a potentially dangerous for me. So my life had done a complete 180 and kicked me in the bum. 
Although this is still not definite till Friday when my Core biopsy results are back so will let everyone know on Friday :) 

Fertility Specialist

After spending the morning over loaded with information I was then told they would try and get me into the fertility specialist today to talk options. 


It was 2pm and I had been awake since 4am so was getting a little tied but needed to talk to the doctor, we didn't need to wait long and were shown to the consultant rooms where I was asked what was the case so far explaining the situation for what felt like the 100th time.


He then asked the personal details of my cycle and when I am due next, as it turned out timing wasn't in my favour to save my eggs as I had wasted 6 weeks with the doctors incorrect diagnoses  so waiting another 6 weeks for my next cycle and then 2 weeks of hormones etc really wasn't an option.


This was hard to swallow as we had decided to try having another child next year it was hard but me and my partner talked about this and decided that I would rather fight this with all I have and be around for the beautiful child I have than waste another 6 weeks for the possibility that it wont work. 
And there are always other options of fostering as there are a lot of children in need of some love. So that was one obstacle that we had over come all in one day but at least I knew up front and know when I go in to see the Oncologist that there will be no need to wait to get my treatment started. 

Testing and Doctors Appointments

The night I was told of my diagnoses I was ok until I couldn't sleep then I went driving and ended up at my mum and sisters house knocked on the door and started crying uncontrollably for about half and hour then settled down and thought I need to be strong and fight with all that I have and not let this get me down. 


The week I found out that I had breast cancer my world changed it was now all about Doctors appointments and tests.
First I had to have an ultra sound pain free and pretty much like an ultrasound for when your pregnant, although it was annoying when they tilt the screen away from you trying to do it so that you don't notice like I know what they are looking at anyway !
The lady didn't say too much and that can never be a good sign, so when she told me that I would need to have a mammogram I knew I was already in for one of those, the mammogram was very uncomfortable and when people say they squash your breast well yeah it felt like it was going to burst if she squeezed that bloody foot peddle down any harder I wasn't sure what I would do. 
Because of the cancer that I have it seems to be more aggressive than others to I was totally bombarded with people that were going to call me to make an appointment. The doctor was great and asked how I was being overloaded with information, I have kept a pretty level head and taken this one step at a time. 


The core Biopsy that was done when attending the breast clinic was a little painful but the doctor and nurse were unbelievable they made me feel really comfortable. This biopsy was different to the others as I needed a incision to be made and a larger needle to be inserted to get a larger sample that will be used to determine my treatment.   
When the doctor was doing the ultrasound this time he was great explaining what we were looking at and why it was different to the surrounding area. 
He also explained to me that the surrounding lymph nodes looked ok and normal which was a good sign as only the one seemed to be affected. 


Then it was a trip to the fertility specialist at another hospital. 

Breast Cancer at 34 How it all started

THIS STARTED IN August 2011 
I AM 34 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE A RARE BREAST CANCER 
It was just any other day but when getting dressed I noticed that my right breast was swollen and a little red, I thought I must go see the doctor and booked in to see her in a couple of days, the day I went in was like any other day and the the doctor said " oh yes it looks like and infection this sometimes happens when the milk duct get blocked or dirt gets in your nipples" 


That right there should have been a warning sign I hadn't breast feed for nearly 3.5 years and couldn't see how dirt would get in my nipple ? But hey that's what you go to the Doctors for yeah. 
I did also go tot a female doctor for this reason stupidly thinking that they would "care more" how very wrong I was.


After the antibiotics I didn't notice straight away that the symptoms were not going away, when I did I booked in and went to see her again, this time when she said that its just some residual I was concerned and queried if I should get a mammogram ? Her statement to me was " you are too young for anything like that and its not required till 55 and if under that you will need to pay" so I took that to mean that there isnt anything too serious to worry about and that "she is the doctor " 
How wrong could I have been the double dose of antibiotics that she gave me for the residual I started that day and within 6 days it still had not gone down so I booked in to go see her again, this time when I went in she still didn't do any sort of examination just wasted her time putting gloves on and touched the area well i could have told her it was hot !


She then said she was going to "send me to the hospital for an abscess and they will need to drain it" she said. 
I thank the doctor at the hospital for being so caring to send me to get an ultrasound and mammogram & biopsy that was required to find out that I have Breast Cancer.