Looking at myself and really seeing me making the most of the new do

To all of the lovely people out there that have been a support to me I appreciate it. 
I have been overwhelmed by the kind words and encouragement that everybody has shown.
I am going through something that is very tough on you emotionally and physically it is tiring and can at times be really tough on you mentally. there are some things that have made me break down and have a cry this has been seeing new born babies knowing that I may not have another one has made me cry while waiting for the doctor. 


The hardest mental challenge is the thoughts that people may think are negative, let me tell you for me they aren't negative just thoughts, when you are told you have cancer you have many things go through your head first for me wasn't why me ? Or it's not fair. It was I want to be here for my family I want to be with my partner get married and see my son grow up. 
BUT I did have the thoughts that I see as normal I need to get things in order, need to make sure I tie up loose ends, this didn't mean that I have given up or that I am not going to fight this with all I have its just something that you start looking at. 
You see this as something that is killing you silently and the need to make sure the people you love are looked after. This is natural not harmful as I have had these thoughts and these thoughts also kicked me in the butt and made me want to fight, beat it and win!


When I shaved my head I cried and I am really not sure why, when my partner asked me "was I OK ?" I said "yes" I wasn't sure if I was crying for my hair or that by doing this it made it more of a reality, what I am going through and that this was happening and my body was reacting to it. 


It is amazing when you shave your head you really have no choice but to really look at yourself you cant hide behind hair or pretend you don't see the real you ! Your hair is part of who you are but I do think too many of us hide behind things, hair, make up, earrings, tattoos or clothes. 
Looking at myself I can now see me I have had to look at myself and look at all the flaws that I had tried to look past before when I quickly did my hair or didn't bother with make up or care before, thinking that it didn't matter because I wasn't good looking so it wasn't worth the effort anyway. 


Yeah the real hard truth about how I felt about myself came out and you know what when looking at myself in the mirror without hair I realised that ...........I am no super model but ....................I have really nice eyes and my nose is not bad and my eyebrows are pretty good shape, I now look at myself and see that I am good looking on the outside as well as the inside. 
So I am now embracing this and feel differently about myself. I did hide behind being too vocal and maybe come across rude or arrogant this was only to protect myself, I used to think I knew what people thought about me and would judge myself more harshly than anyone else, I would give someone the impression of me that I had created for them by the way that I react before they did. 


This is huge for me as I know that I am a very caring person but this sometimes got lost in the judgemental appearance that I gave people, this was only reflected because I was being Judgemental on myself. Yeah not everyone is going to like me and I am not going to get along with everyone but have stopped judging me harshly so that people get to make up their own mind. 





Well here is my new look that I have embraced and now love from what my head looks like now to how I wear my scarves most days :)

   

I seem to be getting better at arranging them and the accessories that I have made with my glue gun are keeping it looking original :) I am enjoying this to be honest 

A special thanks to my Aunty Leece she shaved her head in support of my battle and I really appreciate it you are amazing and I love you. 

Thanks to all my friends and family love to all of you.