OPERATION TIME

When you think about surgery its frightening without the thought that a large part of your femininity is being cut off for good. 
The pre surgery appointment I sat there and the surgeon told me that they recommend only the one breast coming off at this stage and the other can be done when the re construction is to be done, I went in by myself didn't I walked out having signed the paperwork for only right hand breast to be removed. 


I wasn't sure that day and up to surgery day still wasn't, although went through with it anyway. This is what it looks like a few days out from surgery. 

This is the real impact of breast cancer it is harsh to look at and even harder to deal with when it is your own body that its being done to. 

After the drains came out this is what it looks like

Since then the swelling has worsened due to a build up of fluid from where the lymph nodes were and my body now has to work out how to distribute the fluid around the rest of the body now they are no longer under my right arm. 

Due to the swelling it is sore and a little swollen still but the worst is it is under my arm so it makes the nerves in my arm hurt where the surgery has been done. 

The right breast that was taken off was weighed in at 2.66kg and this tissue is being tested at the moment and will be tested along with the lymph nodes to see the extent of the cancer and infected nodes, it will also determine whether or not I have to have more chemotherapy. Fingers crossed its a not ! 

I have been praying and being positive through this as much as possible and I hope that it pays off when I get the results at my Post Opp appointment on the 19th of this month. 

SUPPORT long word not always a lot of it

When you are diagnosed with breast cancer you have everyone calling, txting, messages on face book, then your half way through chemo and you cant blame every body but they get back to their lives and well get on with it. I don't blame any one at all for doing this as I have in the past and will some day in the future do it too, its life and how it happens. 


The only people that don't get on with life are the people that are your direct family, your husband that has to live it everyday, your son / daughter who sees you sick more times than not and asks" are you sick today mum ?" with that you have to reply yes sweet heart but hopefully not for too much longer. 


Your direct family well they have to get on with theirs as well everyone's gotta earn money ! And I don't think I am the only one that feels that family can be up and down with your treatment and diagnosis. My family have been great, but at times they forget that what I am going through is kind of huge, its not just a cold or small insignificant operation that I will be ok after a week.


This is cancer and I will have this worry for the rest of my life and although I am confident that I will be cancer free shortly, you never get rid of the worry. 
My family I assume have always seen e as the strong, confident and a lot of the times bossy and their words "over bearing" so when I am sick and cant do something they don't seem to register that I may need help. This is where I have struggled I still need help and don like asking for it and in a way have thought "someone will offer to help" and when it doesn't I have at times been very upset. 


I have and continue to have counselling this is a must you cant deal with all, when I mean all I mean all emotions that seem to cram your brain during cancer treatment. Even the basic things that you would normally have done before without a thought become huge. To remember everything you did before is impossible and for me that got me frustrated as I was so used to just doing things. 
During chemo I was not mentally capable of doing things especially the week after chemo its almost like it mushes your brain cells, I called the clothes line one day a wardrobe !!! I knew what I meant but my partner had no idea what I was trying to tell him. This became very frustrating especially when they tried to hold conversations with you, I couldn't be bothered talking let alone concentrate on what I was saying!!! 


The most supportive people that have helped me through the hard times the times when I needed answers or just to vent, or reassurance that I wasn't the only one who was feeling crazy at times were the ladies I met on a Facebook group this group is only for ladies between 20 - 40 that are either going through breast cancer at the moment or have been through it and are out the other side, these ladies are the only ones that truly know how I feel. 
This isn't anything against anyone else its just that they have been there know how my brain works and the emotions that you go through at each step.
I thank these ladies with all my heart as they have gotten me through some really rough times, down times and times when you feel like giving up. Along with them them my true inspiration was and still is and always will be my son.
At only 4 years old my son has shown unbelievable strength and courage, he has been there with unconditional love and support on my down days, he knows when I am upset better than anyone and above all has accepted me in every which way and form that I have been in over the last six or seven months. To him I love you with all my heart. You are everything to me. 

Roller coaster ride since Chemo !

Ok so you think that chemo is over the worst part delt with ! Bahhh Wrong 


Next comes you have four weeks of recovery so I start to feel good about myself and wow the taste buds come back Yum food has never tasted so good !!! 
Then the Pre Op appointment comes around all too quick and bam your in the office sitting with the doctor and they are saying lets get the paperwork sorted for you to have the mastectomy. 
As it turns out I talked it through with the surgeon and she said I know you wanted to get a bilateral but strongly suggest to get the one breast removed and when they do the reconstruction we can remove the other and re construct straight away ???????
Ok big mistake is not taking anyone with you to these appointments, highly recommend it if its you going grab someone to take or if you are a friend and know someone that is suffering from this put your hand up and say I will take the time to come with you.


It is so daunting and you forget what you wanted and then they start talking and you stop listening because you are still trying to process what they said 5 minuets ago. 


I didnt and walked out having signed for one breast to be removed, I stewed over this from the time I left the hospital until the day before surgery, I still thought should I change this should I do what I first wanted. Well question was did I want to wait a possible 3 years for reconstruction surgery? The answer was no I want to get my life back on track ASAP and I would have to compromise to do it. 


Google and what effects it has on your brain oh no impact 101
There are things you should look at things you shouldn't, well I needed to do research on the procedures that I was looking at having after the mastectomy. 
I found so many horrid pics that were I found out were off an American web site oh ok reminder to ones self don't go there again.
I found two types of surgery that I was told would be the type that I would require to gain my breast back, think of how hard that is first of all to say at only age 34 then picture the scaring will occur for that to happen!! 


Below are two different procedures that I am still considering at this stage and when I meet with the plastic surgeon it will need to think long and hard about which one I take. 

A DIEP flap is a type of breast reconstruction in which blood vessels called deep inferior epigastric perforators (DIEP), and the skin and fat connected to them are removed from the lower abdomen and transferred to the chest to reconstruct a breast after mastectomy without the sacrifice of any of the abdominal muscles.

The DIEP flap is similar to the muscle-sparing free TRAM flap but only requires the removal of skin and fat. Unlike with the TRAM procedure no muscle is sacrificed. The blood vessels, or perforators, required to keep the tissue alive lay just beneath or within the abdominal muscle. Therefore, a small incision is made in the abdominal muscle in order to access the vessels.

Ok the one above is the Diep/ Siea Flap Procedure and this is around a three month recovery that I have been told. I am not really keen on this other than it will give me a flat tummy but I am thinking I would rather work harder to get it than be in pain for it for that long !!! 

Latissimus Dorsi Mucle Flap technique takes its name from the back muscle that lies below the shoulder and behind the armpit.

An oval section of skin, fat, and latissimus dorsi muscle is detached and slid around through a tunnel under the skin to the breast area. Blood vessels remain attached whenever possible. The tissue is shaped into a natural-looking breast and sewn into place. If blood vessels have been cut, they are reattached by microscopic surgery to blood vessels in the chest area. The procedure takes about two to three hours.

Next the above this s a supposed less invasive type but also leaves you with scars ! And well I think it may hurt the same but recovery is quicker I hear. So these are the two options I have going into the big meeting when ever that will be still waiting on a referral to the plastics section. I have been told that they may be able to take skin etc from other areas such as your inner thigh and your rear end, Ohh that sounds good to me :) 

I will have to wait and see. 

The True Facts of What Chemo Did to ME

Chemo and how it affected my body !! 


Some of the things that chemo did to my body during the 6 months, the first things that happened was like most my hair fell out, and yes you loose your hair down below all pubic hair, leg hair, underarm hair and head hair fell out. 
For some reason I kept my eyebrow and eyelashes some people loose these but I did manage to keep mine. 


The biggest thing that affected me was my stomach it pretty much stopped working sometimes it felt like my food wouldn't go down into my stomach at all and sat on top. Other times the food would sit for a little while then come back up about 4 hours or so later, this was anything I ate although at times food eaten earlier in the day would come out but yet other things I'd eaten later would be kept down. I don't know why and was never given an answer as it's not known why. 


My nails grew really quickly but i soon noticed that they had ridges in them and this then showed each chemo cycle as a ridge. 


I did get constipated at the start and then towards the last cycle once I had lost all the hair in my bowel the stools became soft and watery and it felt like I had the runs all the time. It was better than constipation. 


Chemo Brian / Dumb I call it when you cant process things or know what you want to say but doesnt quite come out right ! Thats what it is like to have chemo brain, the week of chemo was the worst out of all, towards the end of the three weeks it would improve but I would class myself as dumb during this time :) 
I even stopped typing on here because my brain couldn't deal with it to be honest I couldn't type words together.
One day I remember getting angry at my partner as I had said "can you get the clothes from the wardrobe" translation " can you get clothes from the washing line " close but no cigar !!!! He didn't know what I meant and got frustrated because I got angry more at myself than him for being so messed up. 


My skin went dry and flaked badly in places, my skin felt like it was drinking the Vitamin E cream up. 


My eyes well lets just say I feel a little blinder now :( My glasses have helped me heaps but now I think I will need to go and have them re assessed as they feel like they have deteriorated more. I seem to squint a lot more at the TV and things seem to be unfocused all the time. 


Dry mouth and build up of mucus is really irritating and can be a problem especially in the morning when you feel like you are going to be sick from it. Your skin gets thin and I cut myself and hurt myself easily enough with just a knock, at one time I tore all the skin down to flesh on my toe. It takes a lot longer to heal as well. 

Christmas With Chemo and Family

Christmas this year was hard my family was meant to go to Melbourne to spend with my dad and Pam and extended family, I was going back to see my nana who was turning 98 at the time. When the oncologist told me there was too much of a risk to hold the treatment and gave me a letter for the airline so that we could go another time.


Disappointed that cancer had stopped me doing something that I was so looking forward to was hard and I didn't take it well, I got upset and cried wondering why it had to happen. 
I thought about my nan and that cancer may have taken away the last chance of seeing her before she passes away, at the moment she is still hanging in there and  am hoping she can wait a little longer. 


So I started to think that Christmas here wouldn't be so bad I have the rest of my family here and it was going to be a nice day anyway, ten my sister in law said that she wasn't going to Melbourne she was also going through a hard time recovering from Melanoma cancer and just couldn't face travelling so Christmas was looking busier. 


Chemo on the 23rd what a day for my treatment to fall on :( I knew I was going to be sick how sick was just a guess at this stage. 


Chemo went well it was number 4 and the best way to look at it was to say only 3 I needed to survive and I was finished ! I went home and took it easy for the first day or two and then Christmas day came and I was up and about making Chilli Mussels. 
With dark eyes and the feeling of being sick I sat down to lunch but soon felt sick, I went tot the toilet and felt faint so laid on the floor in the laundry to cool down as not to faint when my sister found me, she yelled to Matt and then mum came in and freaked out.
I simply felt faint and did so every month when I had chemo no one had ever been home when I went through this that's all ! 
I was taken to the couch where the air con was and cold cloth on my head, that helped and I went to sleep Merry Christmas ur well it is just one day after all. 


I started to get feel better and went out to a few places Penguin Island and managed to go to Adventure World with my son and nephews it was a good few days before it was all to happen again, the next round was too soon after Christmas. Ur well just think Elisha only 2 to go people would say. When they did I felt like punching them it wasn't easy by any means to feel that sick.